I hate it when your so short that when you tap someone from behind, and they would turn around and look lost for a second , then look down. Im a fucken midget /:

Sometimes you can’t help but compare yourself to other girls. Even when you tell yourself over and over that he chose me and I shouldn’t worry about her. But no matter how many times he tells you that you’re perfect or beautiful. You just still get that feeling that he might be better with her. They would be perfect together. She would make him more happy. You know it’s stupid but you can’t help it. You would compare every detail about her to yourself. And what make it worse is that you can’t hate her, because she did nothing to you. And she’s just so innocent and kind. That’s the worse part. Knowing you can’t hate the girl who can just take him away from you.

The fact that you call me back and ask me why I was crying was probably the stupidest thing you can ever do! You turned off your phone, and when I was able to get through you lie to my fucken face. What do you think is wrong?! My own boyfriend just lied to me and then goes and act like he doesn’t know why I’m upset! Yeah okay. And then you sit there as you hear me cry not saying a single word. And when I ask you are you gonna talk, you go and say what?! Okay. You don’t know how it feels do you. To be in my spot right now. It hurts. And all you can do is say “what?”. That just makes it worse!

I’m sorry if I disappoint you. 

I’m sorry for everything I did. I’m sorry for hiding it from you. I hate myself for causing you and dad to fight. But I don’t deserve to be treated like this. Everyday I come home all you do is yell at me. You would find the tiniest mistake I do and use that as an excuse to call me out. At first I didn’t say anything and did anything I can to not make any mistake. But more and more you yell, saying I’m nothing but garbage and told me to get out of the house, to leave. Everyday. I can’t it any longer. If you don’t see me as your daughter, why should I see you as my mom? Someone who should love me no matter what, and the flaws I have. Someone’s who’s caring , and I can always turn to when I’m stuck. You are none of those things anymore.

I hate not being able to be with you longer. 

Every night, when the clock strike 9 or 10. I just wanna hold onto you a little bit longer, just try and be with you as much as possible before you leave. I hate that feeling I get when you leave, wanting to hold you back and not let go. I just want you to stay. and cuddle and fall asleep in your arms. And then wake up in the morning to your sleepy face. 

Why do you always do this to me.  

Why? Why is that every time we fight, you always do the same thing. I hate the silent treatment you give me, this time was probably the worse. You don’t know how much it hurts, I try to do everything I can to get you to talk to me. And yet you don’t, you sit there and stare into space. While I’m here crying my eyes out, is it that hard to tell me how you feel. You know I get jealous, and I will more in the future. So why are you getting all worked up on this one time, every time you’re jealous of the guys I talk to I don’t over react. So why is this making you so mad. Is it that I care? That I love you to much? Is it that I want to keep you all to myself and no one else? Am I selfish for doing that? Well I’m sorry for what I did, but I can’t help how I feel when other girls be trying to talk to you. 

But I just want you to know, that what you did today was probably the most horrible thing you ever done to me. How can you keep me out that like? How can you just lay there as I cry, and cry. You said you hate to see me sad, and yet you didn’t seem to care this afternoon as I begged you a hundred times to tell me what’s wrong. Tears rolling down my face, and all you can do was stare into space. Do you not have the courage to look at me? Knowing that you are the reason that those tears are falling. I don’t want you to pull me into your arms, I want you to look at me and tell me what’s wrong. That’s all I want. I want you to tell me what I can do to fix it. Over and over I said sorry, and how much I love you. Yet that wasn’t enough for you to forgive me. No I didn’t think what I did was wrong, it’s natural for me to be jealous. But at the moment all I wanted was for my boyfriend to look at me and tell me he cares about me, and that he was just acting stupid and he’s sorry too. But no, he didn’t look at me, but I knew he was hurt as well , as warm tears rolled down his face. But I can’t forgive you that easily for what you did, I have never felt so much doubt. Whether you really care about me or not, just by the way you were treating me. Not once in our relationship have I ever been so scared that you don’t care anymore. I felt alone. Like I was talking to someone who was never gonna answer me, yelling in the darkness, alone, no one to hear my cries, and my sorrow. I hate you for making me feel this way. 

That moment when your stuck in between.. 

Stuck between whether you should fall for this boy or not. You’ve been hurt, and disappointed many times. You have no idea what’s in store for you. They say the one that love the most, gets hurt the most. Are you willing to take that risk, a 50/50 chance that he will walk out on you at any moment. Are you willing to take down your barrier, and fall in love. Can you handle it? Or will you come crashing down. Will you try, or will you give up. Will you walk away when it gets tough. Will you talk to him, and let him into your life. Will he make you stronger, or will he break you to pieces. Will he be there when you need him. But the most important question, are you willing to give yourself to him. And trust him, trust that he will never hurt you. 

Telling people things that they never thought you do. 

It’s like they never thought you would ever do or think that. They just stare at you. Like your crazy. And it could probably change the way they think of you. Sometimes you just feel like you should have never told them. Now they know this one secret of yours, a piece of your life that you would never share to anyone. It’s like you feel a need to put them into your life. And with that secret, you can’t control what they do with it. Whether their going to tell anyone, or if their gonna bring it up again with you. Or if they want to know more. It’s a complicated cycle. Sometimes I just I don’t feel like going through all that trouble, having to worrying about other about my secrets. It’s best to just keep it all to myself.

I hate how your avoid talking to me. 

The more you avoid the problems we have, the more I’ll bring it up. I want you to talk to me, is that so hard. Speak to me, tell me what’s wrong, what’s going through your mind. Don’t think about how it would affect me, how much it’ll hurt me. Stop trying to protect me. People say things, and there not always things that will make me happy. So it doesn’t matter if your trying to protect me from those horrible things, other people will say them to me. Just for once, I would like to know how you feel, what you think, and what’s bothering you.

I have this paranoid thing. 

Where I can’t think or imagine about what I want to happen, or I might jinx it. I’ve always been paranoid about that. It’s like I’ve been expecting so many good things in my life, that when it doesn’t happen, it’s like the worse feeling in the world. I hate being disappointed. So I always imagine what I don’t want to happen. But it’s not like it always work, things get fucked up. And my nightmare become real. 

Don’t think. 

Don’t think about what’s going to happen, don’t think about stupid shit that makes you depressed, don’t think about the people who’s not worth it, don’t think about anything that is going to put you down. Life is short, enjoy it. Stop moping around thinking about shit that will never change, no matter how hard you think about it. You want things to change, stop thinking and change it yourself. Thinking leads to many things ; depression, thinking your not worth it, and worse of all suicide. Just stop. Think about the happy things, the memories you had, the time you laugh so hard you almost pissed your pants. Those kinds of memories are worth thinking about. Even with the people that aren’t here anymore, those are the best memories, just knowing you had something special with them. Sometimes it’s good to think about the people who left, even though it hurts, it’s still something you want to remember. 

I hate how my parents talk on my boyfriend like shit. 

What the fuck did he ever did to you! I get that you don’t like him because of your own reasons, but don’t be talking shit about him to my face! You’re so immature. And your suppose to be my parents? Grow up! Stop talking about other people and look at yourself. How would you feel if some other adult talk shit about me! I bet you wouldn’t like it. So just stop. Don’t ever expect me to be like you! I rather be lazy, “stupid”, but have a better personality than you. Unlike you, I don’t talk shit behind someone’s back. I will never look up to you.